Just Another Vice
by starrnobella
Summary: The strain of a family secret revealed as a death bed confession can be detrimental to a relationship. Especially when that secret begins interfering with the well-being of a young man who wants nothing more than to make his wife feel loved and wanted. COMPLETE


**A/N:** This story was written for the Dramione Fanfiction Forum Valentine's Day Secret Admirer Fic Exchange. I do hope my prompter enjoys what I wrote, even though it's not a happy ending. This piece was very difficult for me to write because there were about six different ways for it to go, but this was the version I felt the strongest about.

Special thanks to SquarePeg72 for telling me that it doesn't sound like a big old ramble. It took a lot of effort for me not to throw in a flashback for this story, since that is one of my tell-tale signs as an author.

I hope you all enjoy this as well. The prompt is listed below!

As always, if you enjoyed it leave a review, please! :) They make my day!

Love always,  
~starr

 **Prompt:** Based off the song I Hate You, I love You by Gnash

But I still can't seem to tell you why

It hurts me every time I see you

Realize how much I need you

You ever wonder what we could have been?

You said you wouldn't and you fucking did

Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix

Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed

I hate you, I love you

I hate that I love you

Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you

* * *

She stared in silence at the flickering flame of the candle on the table slowly fading out. She watched as the wax roll down the side and pile up on the holder. The dinner on the table was cold. He was late again and would probably have the same excuse as last time. They would follow the same routine with the same words said over and over again until she caved forgiving him just like always. She sighed when she heard the roar of the floo coming from the next room over.

"I wonder what excuse he has this time," she whispered as she rose from where she had sat and walked towards the door of the kitchen, waiting quietly as he came through the floo.

"They needed me to work late, Hermione," he called as he walked through and dropped his coat and briefcase on the couch beside the fireplace. He walked over to where she was standing in the kitchen with her arms crossed over her chest, a disgusted look upon her face.

"You could have called or sent an owl," she frowned as he placed a soft kiss on her forehead before wrapping his arms around her slender waist.

"I know. I'm sorry," he mumbled into her hair as he held her. She smelled like lavender and vanilla, his favorite combination of scents. He had missed her today.

"You're always sorry," she huffed. Her arms remained crossed as he pulled her in tight to his chest. He smelled of tobacco and cologne. She could only think of one person in his department that smoked regularly, and Draco's office was no where near them.

He squeezed her tighter as he placed more kisses atop her head, "I always mean it though. I can't control how long they need me at work."

"Why do you smell like tobacco then?" she questioned as she leaned back to look him in the eyes as she furrowed her brow. She was met with the response she expected as he dropped his head in defeat. He knew he was caught.

Draco carded his hand through his hair as he sighed before admitting defeat. He squeezed his eyes shut tight as he spoke, "I went to the club with Theo and Blaise this afternoon."

Hermione shook her head at him, "I wish you wouldn't lie to me."

She looked up at him in disdain as she stepped out of his embrace and walked into the sitting room. She took a seat cross-legged on the step in front of the fire. Watching the flames flicker, she took a calming breath before looking back up at Draco who was still standing where she had left him moments before. He was carding his hands through his hair, obviously frustrated he had been caught in a lie.

"Hermione…" he finally started to say before she cut him off.

"Don't," was all she said before covering her face with her hands as she inhaled deeply. She could feel the tears growing in the corner of her eyes. Slowly she rubbed her hands over her face and as she lowered them, she spoke again, "Do you even realize what day it is?"

She watched the confusion grow on his face as she waited for an answer. It was getting harder and harder for her to hold back the tears forming. She was used to him being late any other day of the week, but she had hoped today of all days he would have been home on time.

"It's Tuesday…" Draco replied slowly, scratching his head as he began looking around their flat when the dining room table caught his eye. He noticed the candles. He had been able to smell the food when he stepped through the floo. It was one of his favorite meals. He caught sight of the wine bottle, he recognized it almost immediately. It was from the same vineyard as the wine they drank at their wedding, a little over five years ago.

His mind began to race as he started making the connections as to what day it was and why she was so upset. The last thing that caught his eye before his realization was completely apparent on his face was the small gift wrapped in red heart paper sitting in the middle of his plate.

"It's Valentine's Day…" he mumbled as he rubbed his hands over his face. When he had lowered his hands, he saw a single tear rolling down Hermione's cheek and his heart broke in two. Almost immediately, he rushed to her side and when he tried to place an arm around her shoulders she turned away from him and brought her knees to her chest as more tears began to stream down her cheeks as she shook her head. Draco let out a sigh of frustration as he carded his hand through his hair before slamming it down into his knee. The thud caused Hermione to jump slightly.

"Fuck, I'm sorry Hermione," Draco said when he realized he had frightened her by hitting his leg, "I didn't mean to scare you. And it completely slipped my mind that today was Valentine's Day."

Hermione started crying harder as her body began to shake, the emotions she had been feeling bubbled through her body. Slowly and quietly she asked him, "Do you ever wonder what we could have been? Without the lying and forgetting about things? Do you ever wonder how great we could have been?"

She stared at him through her tears as she spoke. He wasn't the same that she had married five years ago. He hadn't been the same since he learned the truth about his father from his mother as she laid on her deathbed a little over a year ago. No matter how hard she tried, Hermione could not convince him that he wasn't his father.

"Hermione…" he began as he reached out to her, only to be rejected when she moved away and cut him off again.

"Answer the question, Draco," she grumbled, "Do you ever wonder about how great we could have been if you had not convinced yourself that what your mother told you about your father was true about you? Since she told you the truth about him last year, I've had to deal with the mood swings, the lying, and worst of all, your dependency on your vices. I've dealt with you forgetting about plans with me and instead of going to the club with Theo and Blaise to drown your sorrows and regrets in a bottle of whiskey.

You used to be the strongest man I knew before the last conversation you had with Narcissa. You weren't afraid of anything and you were ready to take on the world. Not afraid to tell people exactly what was on your mind. Now you come home from the club whenever you damn well feel like it, without a call to tell me you are going to be late.

I swear, some days I feel like another one of your vices or else I'm just the fix that you turn to when they haunt you. The person to hold you at night when the nightmares come and you can't drown them in a bottle in the middle of the night. Is that what I am now, Draco? Or am I just a vice you turn to when the other ones aren't giving you the fix you wanted? Because that damn club has seen you more than I have in the last six months!" Hermione cried as she stood up from where she had been seated. Tears still streaming down her face, she turned her back to him. She had stayed quiet for so long, but missing their annual Valentine's Day date was unacceptable.

Draco carded his hand furiously through his hair as tears began to sting his own eyes. He never meant to make her feel like one of his vices, or a fix when he couldn't deal with the reality of his life. Now finding out that his biggest fear actually existed, he could feel himself spiraling and falling.

"You're right," he admitted softly, "But don't you think I know that I'm the one fucking our lives up? Every time I see the sadness and disappointment in your eyes when you look at me, I spiral even farther into the darkness. The only way I can avoid the pain I feel is when I drown myself in my vices."

Hermione spun on her heels shaking her head violently as she approached Draco and pointed her finger in his face yelling, "Don't! Don't you dare put this back on me and make it as though it's my fault that you are so dependent on that damn club with its booze and cigars, and its uncanny ability to blind you from the truth. You promised me that you wouldn't act like him! You fucking promised me Draco! You promised that you would come to me when you started to feel yourself spiral out of control and we would work through this together. You swore that you would try your damnedest to stay away from the vices that drug him to hell. But look at where we are now. You are teetering on the fucking edge of the very same hell that he lived. The hell that didn't allow him to be there as your mother passed away."

A sob wracked through her body as she fell to her knees in front of him. She began to shake as she wrapped her arms around her stomach. She let the tears fall. There was no use stopping them anymore. She was broken and it was time for him to see the true amount of pain he had caused by his behavior. As she cried, she heard the sound of him getting off the fireplace step and joining her on the floor. She felt him place a tentative hand on the back of her head. Pulling herself away, she forced herself to stand up and leave him where he knelt.

Hermione watched him for a few moments. He didn't move and didn't look up at her. She wiped away the last few tears forming in the corners of her eyes and took a deep breath. She needed to calm her nerves before she went to bed. Not that she was going to get much sleep tonight anyways.

"I just want you to know something," Hermione said quietly. Draco's head lifted as he turned to look at her as she continued speaking, "There is nothing in my life that holds more importance than you. This means no matter what you do, how badly you hurt my feelings, I will always put you and your needs above everything else in my life. There is nothing that can stop me from coming home to you or being by your side when you need me to be there. Somedays I wish I could turn off my feelings and emotions, just so I can shut down. Just. Like. You."

Met with his tear stained face, Hermione frowned, "Sometimes I hate that I love you so damn much, but tonight I just need to be alone."

She turned on her heels and walked away. Blowing out the candles on the table, she left him alone in their sitting room as she walked back to their bedroom. The last sound he heard was the slam of the door behind her as a cry of frustration wracked through his own body.


End file.
